my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
