one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
