ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
