Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
