a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
