It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
