i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
