Whod you bang
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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