I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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