I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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