I love watching others lives come down to our level.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
