she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
you had me at cake vodka
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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