Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
