you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
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