Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
