She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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