The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I can't turn off my feet"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Randomize
