Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
