Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
