You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
