Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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