I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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