so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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