Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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