....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
