Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
where are my eyebrows?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
