Umm I'm too high to move.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
