well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Farmville is her only friend.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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