We need to rekindle our bromance
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
