pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
