she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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