he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
