never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
