Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
