He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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