Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
