We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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