miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He passed out mid-signature
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
