Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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