Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
