Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
