She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
