She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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