If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
