Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
