I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
