Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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