You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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