Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
