just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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