I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
