Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
